Embrace Your Empty Nest

After a couple of decades of parenthood, Welmoed Sisson and her husband, Bob, are alone at last. Their son, Ian, 19, and daughter, Diana, 21, headed off to college to pursue their passions, leaving mom and dad at home to pursue theirs—from sewing to home improvement projects.

"We're thoroughly enjoying our empty nest," says Welmoed, of Gaithersburg, Maryland. "One of the things that made this so positive is that we started out our marriage with the agreement that we'd always put the marriage first—after all, we'd have the kids in the house for a relatively short time, and it would be just the two of us for a lot longer!"

Welmoed doesn't fit the image of the lost, dejected empty nest mom. But then, maybe that image is just plain wrong. In several surveys, empty nesters report they're happier than ever after the kids have moved out. At the University of California, Berkeley, for example, researchers tracked empty nesters from their 40s to their early 60s and found they reported greater satisfaction in their marriages and their lives in general, compared with their child-rearing days.

And in the United Kingdom, researchers questioned 2,000 parents of college students, who reported many benefits to their children's departure, from more free time to more energy. Most said they felt 10 years younger than they did when the kids were at home. And they're putting that extra energy to work in lots of different ways: For example, 58 percent of those surveyed say they plan to take up an "extreme hobby" such as snowboarding, bungee jumping, and white-water rafting.

Are you facing an empty nest with a mixture of excitement and trepidation? Here are some tips to make these years positive and productive.

Adjust your attitude.

Look at the empty nest as the next phase of your life and ask yourself what you want to be when your kids grow up. "This isn't the end of parenting," says Laurie Giles, a sociologist and author who specializes in life transitions. "It's the beginning of being the person you always imagined you'd be. Ask yourself what that looks like, and develop a solid plan to become the new you—take a class, join a group, pursue a new interest. Take away all the 'I can'ts' and just do it."

Tune in to your marriage.

Empty nesters report greater satisfaction in their marriages, but that doesn't just happen automatically. "Couples need to practice being empty nesters," says Stephen Treat, Ph.D., a licensed family and marriage therapist in Philadelphia. "Starting when the kids are 15 or 16, make time for date nights and events that the kids aren't invited to—take a trip to Aruba or a walk in the park, whatever you can afford." The important thing is to anticipate your new roles and spend some time getting ready for the change.

Go ahead and reclaim those kid areas in your home.

Real estate experts say that empty nesters who recast a kid's bedroom or a playroom into a grown-up's retreat may enhance the value of their home. And social experts say that making distinct changes helps your children ease into their newfound independence. That said, recent United States Census Bureau figures show that the number of 25- to 34-year-olds who are returning to their parents' homes has gone up 8.4 percent since 2008, due primarily to poor job prospects for this age group. So just in case your college grad needs his or her old room back, you may want to hold off on renovating the space or putting in a home theater. But that doesn't mean you need to leave up the rock posters. Consider swapping the bunk beds for a daybed and a desk, turning the room into a home office that you and your child can put to good use. And the kids' old video game systems could be replaced with interactive fitness systems for your TV, such as a Wii, and home gym equipment.

Adjust your relationship with your child.

As they're about to leave home, says Treat, your children should be more like peers, managing their lives as adults pretty much on their own. Stop giving unsolicited advice, he suggests, and nagging them about homework. "If you stay in the parent-child role, you'll lose them. But if you work on a new relationship with them, you're not losing them—they'll be your friends for life."

Create a new ritual.

Have you spent every Friday night for the past 10 years at your kids' athletic games? "It's time to try something you haven't done before to help you organize and celebrate your life as a couple," says Treat. Even something as simple as a weekend breakfast at the diner or a movie night will add intimacy and replace the old rituals with ones that are new and fun.